hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
