i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
