just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
