I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
