If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
