i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its not stalking. its research.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
