Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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