last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
