I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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