maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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