How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
