hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
