He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
