she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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