I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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