I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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