Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think my vagina is haunted
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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