eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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