we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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