weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
