omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
