Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
