I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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