im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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