so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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