this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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