She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
