Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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