I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They have beer where we have blood.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
