We're like a lot better than the average bears
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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