dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
