how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
only if we run a train.
done.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
