I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
