Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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