He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
