Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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