i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
