my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
