Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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