after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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