Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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