As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
