ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
