hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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