We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
