the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
