would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
