What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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