there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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