Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
